Walking into this summer, I wanted: friends, family, fun, God, tan, experience, leadership, vision, power, employment, sun, home, laughter, horses, learning, team, growth, money, impact, relationships. And the list goes on…
Walking through this summer, I’m getting something(s) completely different. I’m getting my butt kicked by fatigue, illness, and injury. I’m gaining valuable teaching experience and lessons in patience. I’m learning to be alone, and learning that it’s okay. I’m getting to fight with God. I’m expanding my talents and using gifts that I didn’t know that I had. I’m being used as a vessel in ways unknown to me. And I’m struggling in areas I didn’t know possible.
I guess those things, those struggles, those lessons, are really what I needed. I needed to be turned around and kicked in the pants. I got too proud and too humble, too reliant and too self-sufficient, too competent and too naive. I needed to learn that there is a fine line situated between good things that turn not so good. I needed to learn, and am still working on learning, that I can do things on my own, but should still ask for help. I needed to learn the difference between asking for help from the right people, and demanding assistance from someone that can’t step in.
I needed to learn who I was before I could even hope to help someone else figure out who they were. I needed, and still need to, figure out who I am to others, who I am to me, who I am to my Creator, and where the differences lie.
I don’t care if it’s snowing on my way home. We’ve had warm weather, it’s Chaco season. I refuse to go back.
There is no going back.